I let you steal my power. I let all those jagged little bits of you leave slivers all throughout myself. Some I thought healed over, but the abscess beneath fill the pocket with the oozy grime and stink so when poked it burst, leaking; draining leaving crusty dry reminders of the monster I let control so many aspects of my life. I lost myself in fear and pain. I forgot my own two legs strength in holding me up and pushing forward. I drowned in fear of strangers who hated me without knowing. I grew tired of the repetitive pain in ripping those wounds back open to explain who and what. Describe the when and how, all while scratching my head in unison to others trying to glue together jigsaw pieces from different puzzles to try and explain the why.
But I’m coming to a real piece of clarity, one that it’s taken a lot of heartache and understanding. Its taken heart and empathy from someone who knew some of those same jagged bits to help me find out these pieces won’t fit, they are collected pieces from multiple puzzles. Pieces you found in different stories, different lives, different people. Pieces that are painted on both sides so it’s impossible to tell what’s real and what’s not. And that same person has helped me dump out so many emotions that I’ve held in for so long. Let me pour out my truths, my heartbreak, my doubts. My fears most of all. And while this person feels heartache and pain from the same they find the strength in themselves to still reach out and support me. Something I’m forever grateful for. Friendship is not always so easy to find the older and busier you get and I managed to make a friend of someone once seen as the enemy. And this same person is road tripping with me to a place I normally associate with shoulda/coulda/woulda/whatif in your stories. Helping me to take all of these collected puzzle pieces I’ve gathered over the years to chuck out in the ocean. To watch them sink and watch my power return. To sip a drink and laugh and take away your place. To make that place our own.