Mercury must be back in gatorade cause today I’m an emotional wreck, I struggled to get content, Uber eats messed up my order (who mistakes turkey for tuna?), & I haven’t seen sunshine in days. I’m over this...going back to bed✌🏽
I aspire to be an empowered woman with vision & grace. Soft-hearted but strong, self aware & sure. Respected for my mind, admired for my heart & above all, always honest, open & raw ✨
I'm watching my healthy voice evolve. While not NEARLY as often as the first few years in Ed recovery, I still struggle with negative body image sometimes. Early on I'd repeat to myself "You're full, not fat." I wrote that statement (among others) on the wrapping paper I used to cover my bedroom mirror so I wouldn't see my weight-stabilized body. I'd also say "You're not fat. You HAVE fat. You also have fingernails, but you are not fingernails." I got that one laminated as part of an "affirmation cards" deck I created in an art therapy session.
At that time, I was challenging my body dysmorphia (my inability to see my body as the size it actually was). I can see now how fatphobic these mantras were. Nowadays, if I have bad body image along the lines of "feeling fat", my healthy self says "And? What if you are fat?" I've done so much work educating myself about diet culture, fatphobia, sexism, etc., that my healthy self KNOWS there's nothing wrong with being fat. I know now that people who are 60lbs heavier than what their BMI says they "should" be are actually much healthier than people who are 5lbs lighter than the chart calls for. (I now refer to BMI as "Bullshit Measurement Index" b/c of how wildly flawed it is.) I know that we are all born with a pre-determined weight range; it's in our genes, just like eye color. I know that fatphobia is a product of the beauty and fitness industries: companies have convinced us that it's bad to be fat and that if you pay them, they can "fix" you.
A friend made an eye-opening statement recently. She said something like "It's largely ok to be so many different things in the US now. It's ok to be a woman; be gay; be disabled. There are so many organizations advocating for all of those, but it's still not ok to be fat. THAT'S the one that society still seems to think crosses the line."
I hope to continue to educate myself and grow in my recovery. I hope that others call me out if I do/say something offensive. (Ex: I learned recently that saying "pow wow" in place of "work meeting" is diminishing towards Native Americans.) I hope we can all work to overcome any outstanding harmful conditioning we've internalized.
My thinking (about thinking...🤔) is shifting. I intend to stop thinking. Well, mostly... .
Thought is overrated. So often, we get into our heads and overthink EVERYTHING. It’s a big, fat waste of energy. .
What if we took ourselves out of our mind space in these moments and instead listened to our intuition? .
Our intuition is so wise. Underused, but wise. I know this. I also know that I neglect to use it so often because I’m trying to figure things out in my head. .
When I take myself out of my head, and feel into my heart, I get the sense that amazing things are possible. .
When we quiet the mental chatter, we allow the magic of our intuition to have access to our lives. When we stop trying to force it into existence, to think it into being, it is invited in softly by our heart. ✨
The more I release control of the what-ifs and learn to accept and BE where I am, the more peace I open myself up to. .
That, my friends, is so freaking freeing!
I invite you to release some of the chaos in your mind today. Let it quiet, settle. Trust yourself a little bit more, trust the inner knowing.
Sending lots of love and peace.❤️✌️
Seriously, how cute is this top?!? You can tuck it in, tie it up or just let it loose. It’s so versatile! And swipe over to see the incredible deal !! .... also just as an aside, this is a skirt from Banana Republic. I know they don’t cater to plus sizes BUT look for skirts with elastics. I must say they have quite a give! I walk right to the back to their sales section!
Letting my hair blow in the wind! 🌬️🌈 Cute video by @a_troll_life
What’s your favorite activewear brand? I recently tried @beyondyoga and it is some of the softest and stretchiest workout wear I’ve ever worn, no ifs, ands, or buts about it. (Okay, one butt.) 🍑 #beyondyoga
You guys tired of seeing my new hair yet? I’m not so.... Please note awkward arms and the fact that my mid section is 20 shades lighter than my upper body. Also check that highlight glowwww.
Since giving up caffeine for almost 6 months now, I was just curious if I’d like the same drink but with decaf. It wasn’t bad! Can’t say I’ll order it often, if again for a long while. The Nitro lid is where it’s at! Sippy cup 😊 A little sunbathing and “coffee” lounging before I started my day 👌🏾 HAPPY MONDAY FRIENDS! 🖤
Yesterday I had a little sister date of lunch, shopping, pedi’s and then a baseball game. For lunch I had this bomb Sauté Curry dish with veggies & asked for no rice. It’s was DELICIOUS! #seafood